Friday, January 19, 2007

Mirror Mirror

I just finished watching Dr. Phil today and the topic of young mothers who want questions asked about baby. On the show today were mothers who had bonding issues with their child and the anger they felt toward them when they threw tantrums to when to feed your child solids. Also on the show to help were a series of Dr's. The "Sears" family of doctors. At the end of the show, it turned out the only story I was interested in was the first. A mother who went through post-partum but wasn't advised on it, had bonding problems with her child and feelings of anger and resentment toward them (the child being 3 now). The daughter is constantly throwing a tantrum or screaming. A high stress situation for any parent. In the few moments that this mother was on, the doctors advice was "mirror" to your daughter. In other words, don't get angry and frustrated, that only brings out more frustration with your child. Try looking through your child's eyes and how they would want to see you react. It doesn't mean giving in, it just means keeping your cool and portraying positive behaviors and letting them know that they are fine and so on and so on. That is one thing I really struggle with especially w/ my daughter. I'm quick to anger and the funny thing is, it makes matters worse. Spanking doesn't work on her either(Dr's also said spanking doesn't usually make a difference w/ strong willed children-which I'm so "blessed" to have a very strong willed child who I'm still trying to figure out). I have to constanty work on keeping my cool and allowing my daughter to not push my buttons. Stay calm and collected. It's very hard to do, but very necessary. The rest of the show, I didn't agree w/ a thing the Dr's said, but hey, that's my opinion. The stategies my husband and I have used with our children in certain areas worked for us. Anyway, after watching this show, I then see my son crawling into the dryer. Of course I'm on it and tell him no, then my cell rings and I'm speaking with a friend. In the back ground I hear a muffled scream. I come out of the kitchen to see my son in the dryer and my daugher sitting in front of it after shutting the door behind him. Perfect time to not jump to shear anger and calmly explain why we don't close the dryer door and what she should do if baby brother goes near the dryer again. Lovely day.


sparky said...

this is the life we signed up for right? well stay strong. you're doing great. like my mom always says. when it comes to discipline...consistency. stand your ground. if she does something she knows not to...automatic discipline (whatever that may be). NO second chances!! then she knows you're serious and won't be able to push you around at some point. that's basically what she's doing. she's fighting for power. i always figure i want my kids to listen take me as serious as they will their dad cause we all know dad's demand authority just in their presence. i'm sure this principle is soooo much harder than i'm givig it credit for. i won't pretend to know cause i'm not there yet. but i DO believe this is the right the thing, especially for the strong of heart (just lke you and me :o). i'll keep encouraging and praying for you. i'll expect the same when i get there. you go girl!! show them who's boss :o)
love ya and still anticipating your arrival!!

phillycheese said...

good stuff babe. I thought I was your Dr. Phil... or is that only behind closed doors :) love you and miss you terribly.