A New Beginning

My pain and my cries have fallen on deaf ears
Blocked by nothing but my own pride
As the night silently creeps up on day
So has bitterness on my heart
Pain pierced all those I love and I was sightless
Shattered and broken I now lay
My very core exposed, nothing left hidden
Truth fills my lungs and I can breathe
Your hand holds mine and we walk on
Piece by piece I will be molded
The fog that buried me in aloneness
Now fully lifted

copyright NLH 12/06

And the battle is on

My defense against the culprit. Why oh why do the holidays have to be filled with such goodies?!

Mmmmmm

I live for these (peppermint mocha and/or hot chocolate) every year!! I just can't get enough of them during the December month. Then before I know it, they've pulled them from the menu and I have to wait a whole year to enjoy them again. Yes, I am addicted to peppermint mocha's, actually hot chocolates (just ask my husband). The mocha's are just way too expensive. I mean come on, $3.40 for a tall and $4+ for a grande. I just can't justify it. That's why I always end up with the grande hot chocolate at $3.04. Got to love the BN card for 10% off though and the little 15-25% off coupons I get through email. Having one of these with whip cream swirled on top and sprinkled with red sugar crystals, just makes me all warm and cheery inside! I have found nothing else that even compares to these winter pick-me-ups.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

NOT! Okay, I'm having a really hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. It doesn't really help that our weather is close to 60 degrees everyday and the closest thing to snow we've had is rain! We have 2 radio stations that have been playing nothing but Christmas music for over a week now and will continue to do so through Christmas day. It's not helping either. Also, not too many people around here decorate their homes. What's up with that? I miss the days as a child. Our christmas' (maybe not always the exact day, but the month of December most definitly) always had snow and frigid weather. Everyone decorated, subdivisions pulled together and put on huge Christmas displays that we'd drive by in awe. I remember sledding, hookie bobbing, putting skis on and trying to ski down our street. I wish it could be like that for my children. I guess all we can do is make what we do have enjoyable and memorable. That's my goal, along with some of our own family traditions.

A morning well spent

I love having one on one time with my little man. Today after we dropped of sissy at preschool, we went and spent time at Barnes & Noble. I enjoyed a grande peppermint mocha and he played on the train table. I love mornings like that. He's such a different kid when he's not competing with his sissy. And the same goes for her when it's just the two of us. Hopefully the sibling rivalry can be resolved, sooner than later. On another good note, my car is fine. Just needed a battery charge. Still confused though on why it died. Hopefully a battery and alternator test will help with that. And, I finally have new brakes!! Yeah!! And it only cost $50, it pays to have "good" friends who love to help and who know what they are doing.

Life, what can I say?

Frustrating. That's all I can say about today. First I'm fighting off a cold, thanks to my lovely children. Zycam has been helping tremendously. Then, I'm not looking forward to cleaning a 5500 sq ft home tomorrow; because I feel horrible in the mornings. You see I was supposed to clean it Friday, which would have been nice to have all day Monday w/ my husband (plus I felt better then than I do now), but professional florists messed that one up. So, Monday it is. Then, my daughter and I have been having words today. She tries to control everything and everyone around her. She thinks she can tell me what to say and do, etc. So we've been having some respect issues today. And to top it all off today, my car is completely dead!!! All I can do is look at that gas guzzling tank and shake my head. I've been confined to my house for 2 days now and I'm going nuts! The one day I want to brave holiday traffic and my car gave out on me! I'm about ready to let that thing roll off of a cliff with the amount of money we've dumped into it. Tahoes are over-rated!! That's why today all I can say is, frustrating!!! But you know what, I still have a smile on my face. It may have something to do with my previous post! Sorry for those of you who have asked, I just can't share right now. And no, it has nothing to do with being pregnant (just in case that was brought up when you guys were guessing). That will hopefully come at another time in the future. :)

A new beginning

by © hunnerds2

The title is fitting to an event that has taken place in my life. All of which fits with the name of my blog. At this point in time though it will remain between God and I. It's an event that will first be shared with the love of my life, who so rightly deserves to be the first to read what I have written. You see, I've done something a little different for Christmas for him this year. Needless to say, it has to remain a secret until the 25th this month. After Christmas, one of the things I've written to mark this event, I just may share. The main part of my gift is a personal gift, only for him. I don't think just telling my husband this event will do it justice. My writing evokes an emotion that I know he will understand even in the deepest parts of his soul. This is why I write, to tug at the insides, to share parts of me you'll never hear me speak. I love my husband and I love that he truly sees what's in my writing.

Restless

by © hunnerds2

My escape has gone unanswered too long
Hidden deep within turmoil, screaming to get out
I sit waiting, anticipating its return
To find relief
Yet my mind aimlessly wanders, searching
Confusion disrupts the flow and I’m left aching

Knock Knock

I cannot believe what happened yesterday to me. It is for this very reason I am not liking my neighborhood. Yesterday was cleaning day for me, bill paying, etc. Pretty much a day in which I don't get ready for the day. On top of the chores that need to be done, I also have my children I'm keeping tamed. Anyway, early afternoon I'm busy on the phone. I hear a knock on my door knowing it was the little neighbor girl across the street. I'm not in the mood for play dates (has anyone heard of calling first?), I don't want my house destroyed (I'm trying to clean it) and I'm on the phone, so I decide to not open my door. Nothing wrong with that, right? Well, ten plus minutes pass and she's still knocking, yelling, turning my door knob, and pressing the door bell repeatedly. I couldn't believe it. I was so angry. Of course my kids want to open the door, but I didn't want to deal with the fits that would take place because of me saying NO to her coming in. After she finally left, I then had to sit my daughter down and explain proper doorbell etiquette, if that's what you want to call it. Now from the beginning, I've never had a very relaxed feeling about my daughter playing with her, so those feelings were playing a part in it also. Yesterday I wasn't in the mood to deal with another child. I cannot believe the rudeness that was displayed. It's like everytime I walk out the front door with my children, I'm bombarded from across the street. Here we are trying to wash the car, or most of the time, leaving for errands. What is with that? Today, I walk out to the car w/ my son to go and pick my daughter up from preschool, and here she comes across the street. Needless to say I was in my car very quickly ready to back out. I have no idea if I'm being ridiculous, but I'm dumbfounded at the whole incident. That's not the first time she's tried opening my door without me opening it first. Anyway, just had to get that off my chest.

What's with the remote?

This is totally a guy thing. Why? Wish I knew. My son, not even two years old, already has to have the remote in hand while watching TV, namely football. If he's in my lap and I have the remote in hand to switch channels, he mumbles something while grabbing the remote. Then he just sits there, fine as can be. It must be born into them. To be honest, I really don't mind. When I take one look at his cheesy smile, I melt. "Sure honey, you can have the remote."

"Listen"

by © rowan2352

Ok, so I'm having a heart to heart with my 4 year old daughter about "listening." I go through this huge talk on why it's important to listen and "pay attention" while a parent or teacher is talking and how her listening would really help mommy and daddy out. Towards the end she asks something in which I respond with a "Do you want me to be done with my conversation?" She goes on to tell me that she wants to talk to to me. I say fine, and this is where I'm floored. She says, "So...what privileges come from screaming? We aren't supposed to do that. Kicking, screaming, yelling, pushing someone down, that's not nice, we're not supposed to do those things." The conversation then goes on about what is nice, etc. What floored me was the way she was speaking. It was very much like a teacher to a student, in this case, I'm the student. I stopped her in the middle of "her" conversation to ask where she learned this (thinking it sounded very much like a lesson verbatim she recently had from school), and she said, "From you." I never cease to be amazed by her and her intellect. She is so bright and yet at the same time, very challenging. I'm left to think that those co-exist. Now, if only I can figure out how to handle and steer all the qualities that go hand in hand with those attributes. If I can succeed, her road in life will have endless possibilities.

What I Miss

by © aksinovits

I just recently came back from Idaho ("home") where I spent time with family and participated in a bridal show. For me, to walk down the cat-walk, trying to do "real" runway style, is completely out of my comfort zone. But you know what, I had so much fun doing it and hanging out with a great group of women. It surprises me how much of "myself" returns when I go home. I feel renewed, strong, confident... When I return to VA, I feel as if parts of me disappear. Why? I haven't figured it out.